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Santa shenanigans

Christmas was fun when I was a kid. My brother and I would stare at the presents under the tree, trying to see through the boxes and figure out what wonders were contained inside. Our parents would tell us to be good because if we didn’t, Santa wouldn’t bring us anything. The real fun began when my grandfather told us he’d sit on the porch and shoot Santa when he came along. This distressed me greatly as a child; who in their right minds would shoot the person who gave me gifts?

Thinking back to those says, I now see that Santa’s really quite creepy. Kids sit on his lap and tell him what they want, and Santa welcomes them. He breaks into your house at night and leaves evidence that he has been there. He eats your food. Food that you’ve left out for him, sure, but he eats your food all the same. I love cookies. I don’t want Santa eating my cookies. Then somehow he gets back out and rides off into the night. He’s the reverse criminal in a really strange way.

None of this stopped me from watching NORAD’s Santa tracker tonight, though. I opened it when someone mentioned it on Twitter, I believe when Santa entered North America. Santa chilled out in the islands, which brings up another point–this man must dress in layers in order to stay comfortable for the whole night. Then he swooped back into South America before visiting the US and visited the stop nearest me.

NORAD tracks Santa in Atlanta

Maybe Santa didn’t stop by my current town at the moment because I’m still awake, another remnant of what my parents told me about Santa. Maybe it’s just another element of Santa magic. Who knows?

Whatever it is, may each of you have a very happy holiday, or may you have already had it if you’ve already celebrated. Be safe and enjoy.

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