There’s a rumor going around saying that the Internet has been shortlisted for the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, the Internet. Not a particular online community or user, but the entire Internet. That’s like saying you’re Time’s Person of the Year, except you actually were Time’s Person of the Year in 2007.
The Internet probably won’t get the prize even if this is true, but what if the prize committee is feeling lazy, doesn’t feel like debating the merits of the other nominees, and decides to actually give the prize to the Internet? The prize committee gets to answer some interesting questions. Some answers are more amusing than others.
1. Who gets to take the trip to Oslo to accept the prize? Al Gore, so-call inventor of the Internet (even though he didn’t, and even though he already has a Nobel Peace Prize)? The people who actually invented the Internet? Anonymous? Or will the ceremonies turn into a huge convention like ComicCon or DragonCon, with people cosplaying past recipients? It’ll be called NobelCon, a place where despite being on a new continent, Americans are shocked to discover a world outside their country. Even better (or at least almost as good so we can be spared the terrible costumes) this ceremony can be streamed live so everyone can be there in some way.
If NobelCon did happen, there will be people on the outside trying to raise awareness about the Ig Nobel Prizes and telling the con-goers that the Ig Nobel winners do legitimate research too. Just because it sounds funny doesn’t mean it’s not research!
2. What would the acceptance speech be like? Clearly it would have to embrace every aspect of Internet culture: short, chatspeak, and–thanks to the wonders of Twitter–140 or fewer character.
“All your peace are belong to us. kthxbye.”
The acceptor or acceptors would then dance off the stage while Rickrolling everyone.
3. Where would the prize money go? Giving it to the US military would cause a riot, even given their role in creating the Internet, so we need alternate sources. Most of the Internet’s memes come from 4chan, so hosting 4chan, as ridiculous as that sounds, actually makes sense. Google is also a choice that isn’t completely farfetched, given their role in indexing the Web, as is the Wayback Machine. All that kronor for the Wayback Machine would mean that we’d be way more careful about what we post online.
Or they can throw the money toward a smoother transition to IPv6 to make sure we don’t run out of Internet. What an appropriate time.